Having a rough day today. I called my OB a little over a month ago to see what my next steps were, and to possibly get a referral to a specialist. After waiting and waiting I finally called yesterday to see what was going on and why I hadn't heard anything. Today I get a call from a nurse that finally has an update. So she tells me that a Dr. has looked at my info - mind you its a Dr that I have never seen - and she said that my HSG test came back fine (which I knew) and it "looks like you've been ovulating with clomid" (which I knew), and that she suggested that my husband get a semen analysis (which he had done before I had any tests). So basically she told me everything that I knew already, and I was quite upset that they apparently don't have it in my file that the semen analysis was done and came back normal. So really nothing happened. And now someone from a clinic is going to call me to get some information about insurance, so I go to the proper specialist with my insurance, and then someone else will be in contact with me to set up the appointment with said specialist. And that appointment will probably be in about 2 months. 2 MONTHS!?!? I already feel like this process has been dragging on forever, and now I feel like I am at a standstill again and it really blows.
Another added frustration is learning about more people in my life that are pregnant. Don't get me wrong, I am absolutely thrilled! for them. But its always a little hard to hear about it, because I am always hoping that the next person to be expecting will be me. I guess the good thing about it is that I will have lots of people to go to for advice and help when it finally is my turn.
I have really been trying to stay positive throughout this whole thing, but it is such a roller coaster, one day you are ok with the fact that you are not pregnant, you are happy that you can live a carefree existence without worrying about another little person. The next day you see like 20 pregnant people and all you see is babies everywhere and can't stop thinking "Why isn't that ME??"
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Love
I have started going to the chiropractor, and so far its going well. We'll see how well in a couple weeks! The Dr said that I am still pretty stiff in several places, but that will get better with a little more work.
This weekend I am out in California visiting my brother and niece, who just turned two. It's so fun to see her and how much she has changed since I saw her last, which was a year ago. It's also hard because she doesn't really know who I am very well, which is hard because we live so far apart. It's just so different from my relationship with my other nieces and nephews that are Micah's sister's kids. I hate that we can't be closer and see her more often!
Also, I have become obsessed with Mumford & Sons recently, especially the song "Sigh no more"
This weekend I am out in California visiting my brother and niece, who just turned two. It's so fun to see her and how much she has changed since I saw her last, which was a year ago. It's also hard because she doesn't really know who I am very well, which is hard because we live so far apart. It's just so different from my relationship with my other nieces and nephews that are Micah's sister's kids. I hate that we can't be closer and see her more often!
Also, I have become obsessed with Mumford & Sons recently, especially the song "Sigh no more"
"There is a design, an alignment, a cry
of my heart to see,
the beauty of love as it was made to be"
Those lyrics have resonated with me in a way that I just can't stop hearing it. It pretty much sums up how I feel like every fiber of my being is wanting to be a mom.
Friday, April 1, 2011
Hope
This whole process has been a little extra frustrating to me because every test has come back ok. Every test and procedure that we have tried so far has come back with results that indicate that Micah and I should be fully functional. This is somewhat enraging. It appears that I have "unexplained infertility" and that is just so darn annoying. At least if something came back with some red flags we could be taking steps to correct said things and maybe be on our way.
I recently read a book called "The Conception Chronicles: the uncensored truth about sex, love and marriage when you are trying to get pregnant," it brought me a lot of hope, and some laughs. It was written by three mothers, all friends who had traveled this journey trying to get pregnant, and they very candidly wrote about their thoughts and feelings, and what they went through and I realized for the first time that I was not alone. I knew that lots of people struggled with this but, it seemed that no one else is my life was experiencing anything like I was. Not that I have been counting *cough* but 15 babies have been conceived or born to people I know since I have decided to start on this journey to be a Mom. While I am thrilled for all of them, another part of me is filled with sadness that I haven't experienced that joy yet. The book talked a lot about what these Mom's had went through as they started their journeys to get pregnant. I resonated with many of the things that they wrote about. From when they first got prescribed things like Clomid, waiting anxiously at the pharmacy and the feeling of wanting to run home and read about their new meds and get started on them. To getting a positive ovulation test, and wanting to get busy at that moment so not to waste the chance to try to conceive. One story that really gave me a good laugh, was about a woman who took an ovulation test while her husband was at work, and she got a positive so she called him and told him that he had to come home right away so they could get busy. He refused and said that it would have to wait until he got home. Well she didn't like that response so she drove to his work and called him from the parking ramp and demanded that he come out during his lunch break so they could have sex right there. Well they did, in the car, in the parking ramp. But lucky for them, that romp, or one that month worked! And she was pregnant, so her crazy paid off.
This week I am waiting on my Dr to give me a call to refer me to a reproductive endocrinologist. While I am somewhat excited to set this appointment up I am also upset that its come to this. I am nervous that I will have to start doing a bunch of injections (ouch!), and may have to move into in-vitro fertilization. Which all sounds very expensive, and unnecessary since it appears that nothing is wrong.
However- I have recently stumbled across some new hope, in alternative treatments that might be a better fit for me. Acupuncture or seeing a chiropractor. Both of these options seem way more appealing to me. I have been checking into our insurance to see if either would be covered for infertility - they are not - darn. But if I go to a chiro for back pain it would be covered, I have been having back issues with work recently, so maybe work on that will subsequently help other areas as well! I guess we'll see, I am going to the chiropractor on Monday, happy to get things moving along again!
I recently read a book called "The Conception Chronicles: the uncensored truth about sex, love and marriage when you are trying to get pregnant," it brought me a lot of hope, and some laughs. It was written by three mothers, all friends who had traveled this journey trying to get pregnant, and they very candidly wrote about their thoughts and feelings, and what they went through and I realized for the first time that I was not alone. I knew that lots of people struggled with this but, it seemed that no one else is my life was experiencing anything like I was. Not that I have been counting *cough* but 15 babies have been conceived or born to people I know since I have decided to start on this journey to be a Mom. While I am thrilled for all of them, another part of me is filled with sadness that I haven't experienced that joy yet. The book talked a lot about what these Mom's had went through as they started their journeys to get pregnant. I resonated with many of the things that they wrote about. From when they first got prescribed things like Clomid, waiting anxiously at the pharmacy and the feeling of wanting to run home and read about their new meds and get started on them. To getting a positive ovulation test, and wanting to get busy at that moment so not to waste the chance to try to conceive. One story that really gave me a good laugh, was about a woman who took an ovulation test while her husband was at work, and she got a positive so she called him and told him that he had to come home right away so they could get busy. He refused and said that it would have to wait until he got home. Well she didn't like that response so she drove to his work and called him from the parking ramp and demanded that he come out during his lunch break so they could have sex right there. Well they did, in the car, in the parking ramp. But lucky for them, that romp, or one that month worked! And she was pregnant, so her crazy paid off.
This week I am waiting on my Dr to give me a call to refer me to a reproductive endocrinologist. While I am somewhat excited to set this appointment up I am also upset that its come to this. I am nervous that I will have to start doing a bunch of injections (ouch!), and may have to move into in-vitro fertilization. Which all sounds very expensive, and unnecessary since it appears that nothing is wrong.
However- I have recently stumbled across some new hope, in alternative treatments that might be a better fit for me. Acupuncture or seeing a chiropractor. Both of these options seem way more appealing to me. I have been checking into our insurance to see if either would be covered for infertility - they are not - darn. But if I go to a chiro for back pain it would be covered, I have been having back issues with work recently, so maybe work on that will subsequently help other areas as well! I guess we'll see, I am going to the chiropractor on Monday, happy to get things moving along again!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)