Labor

It's a boy! We welcomed Tobin Martin into the world on June 9, 2012 at 3:18 pm. He was 8lb 11oz and 21 in long. 

Photo by Ashley Oberholtzer Photography

Labor was the most amazing thing. I started having contractions on the 8th, a Friday night. I started keeping track of them on this handy little app that Micah had downloaded for me. They weren't painful or anything right away, but I could tell something was happening. They started out about 15 to 30 minutes apart. I started tracking them about 10 or 10:30 that night. We were watching TV and I was putzing around the house and stuff, and I was pretty restless. Finally about 1 am or so, I said to Micah that we really should get some sleep because I was pretty sure that things were going to be happening soon! So we went to bed, I didn't really sleep a whole lot that night, I was up every 10 to 20 minutes with contractions. At first I could just keep laying in bed and breathe through them, but then as a couple hours went by I had to move. I had gotten a birthing ball from one of Micah's co-workers that morning and I was so thankful that I had it! Once I had to move I held the ball on the bed and leaned over it to breathe through the contractions. I was able to a bit between them, but never got a great sleep. By about 7 am the contractions were getting a bit stronger and I couldn't sleep anymore, so I got up and took a shower. I called the midwife on-call at about 8 or so. At that time my contractions were averaging about 7 to 10 minutes apart. And I could tolerate them still just fine. So she said that if I felt comfortable that I should stay at home a little longer. So I did. Micah got up and got himself ready and we took care of the dogs and got the car packed. He made breakfast for us both and then we just kind of waited. The contractions were getting stronger, and I kept using the birthing ball to kind of lean over and roll on a little bit through the tougher ones. About 11 am I was noticing that the contractions were anywhere from 2 1/2 to 5 minutes apart so I called the midwife again. She didn't get back to me as quick as before, and before I knew it it was 11:30, and the contractions were getting a little stronger, so I called back, and she got back to me quick, and she said I was definitely sounding like I should come in! So off we went.

Right before leaving for the hospital

I had a couple contractions in the car, on our about 10 minute drive to Woodwinds. When we got there Micah dropped me off and I went in and had another right when I walked in the door. A lady came to take me up, and I said I was waiting for my husband. She asked how far apart my contractions were and when I said 2 1/2 to 5 minutes, she said too bad we're going! Haha, he was right behind us though so it was ok. 


Got up to Labor and Delivery and into a triage room, and a nurse came first to get us checked in. It was about 12:10 or so at this point. I had about 5 or 6 contractions while we were in the room there as well. I was having a lot of back labor so I kept having to roll over and get on my hands and knees to work through the contractions. While the nurse ran out to get something before the midwife got there all the sudden my mouth filled with saliva and I said to Micah "I think I'm gonna throw up" so he ran to the garbage and got it under me just in time. It was so weird, it came outta no where and when the nurse came back and I told her I just threw up she basically said "Oh! Good!" because it was a sign that things were progressing well. When the midwife came she checked my cervix and I was thrilled (as was she!) that I was dilated to 6 cm!! I was so happy that I was that far along! At all my appointments previously I was only at a 1 if that. So she said we could definitely head off to a room and get things going. I also wanted a doula to help me through labor, so the midwife put the call out to the on-call doula to come in at that point. 


We got settled in our room and I had them elevate the bed pretty high so I could lean on it and I labored standing leaning over the bed for awhile. Micah was super helpful through the back labor by putting lots of pressure on my hips through the tough contractions. Once they started getting a little tougher I got a birthing ball again and put that up on the bed and kneeled over it. Micah still being wonderful and helping with the counter-pressure and pushing on my hips. After about 40 minutes or so I decided I wanted to get in the tub for a bit. So they drew up a bath and I got in. It was very nice laboring in the tub. Between contractions I just laid back and could relax. Once I was in the tub for about 5-10 minutes the doula arrived. She was wonderful! She jumped right in giving me some great suggestions about helping to focus on my breathing and was giving Micah some ideas of how to help me as well. She got some cool washcloths that they put on my forehead and back which were helpful. After about an hour or so in the tub I was really getting the urge to push so I decided I needed to get out! To resist the urge while I was still in there the doula had a great breathing technique kind of making a "shhh" sound that helped me fight that urge to push, it was odd but it helped, so that I could get out before baby came in the tub!


I got out and dried off, and transferred to the bed. My midwife checked me and my cervix was gone, so I got the green light to start pushing. So we got all set up, the midwife at the end of the bed, Micah on one side holding one leg, and my doula on the other side holding my other leg and then came the pushing. I started pushing about 2:50 or so. After the first push or two, my water hadn't broke so the midwife said that I could continue pushing and baby could be delivered in the bag of waters. Or she could break my water and things would likely progress more quickly. So I said, lets break that baby open! It wasn't as crazy of a gush and they and I thought it would be. Once that was done back to pushing. The pushing was hard and I was using all my might. I hadn't gotten any pain meds, and this was going to be the hardest part I imagined. The first few pushes didn't produce much but the midwife could tell that the baby's head was getting lower and really close. Then his head finally started to crown, and she said she could see hair! So Micah looked, and was amazed and didn't believe it because it was just a little ridge of skin with hair on it, didn't look anything like he was expecting. They asked me if I wanted to feel it, and I was sort of creeped out so I didn't. I did another big push and then I decided that I did want to feel. So I did. And I was a little creeped out still but it was oddly amazing. Baby was right there! That was some good initiative to give it all I had to get this kid out! Several more big pushes, baby was progressing with each push and then out came the head, another big push and baby was all out! It was the most interesting sensation, when baby was all out and then a gush of fluid. The midwife quickly put the baby on my belly and gave it a quick wipe down, then the midwife and the nurse were looking to Micah to announce what it was. "It's a boy!" In the moment of amazement, Micah almost forgot his job to tell me what it was! I was so thrilled and the nurse wrapped him up a bit and placed him on my chest. I was crying tears of joy and was so amazed that my baby was finally here, in my arms!! For the next few minutes while I laid there in total awe, the midwife had me push a little more to get the placenta out and made sure everything was there. Once that was done she had to stitch me up, as I tore a little during labor. That was pretty much the worst part! I squirmed more during that and felt more pain when she was stitching me up than when I was squeezing out the baby! So bizarre. I must say that while it wasn't the most pleasant thing in the world, but I am so glad that I was able to do it all without meds. It was the most wonderful experience and ended up being not as bad as I expected. Not that I want to do again soon, but I hope to do it again someday!

Photo by Ashley Oberholtzer Photography

31

And again I fail.... time is flying! I have 9 weeks to go!! I cannot believe it, some days I want it to be June right now, and baby to be here, and others I could use another 5 months!! But I don't really have a choice, whenever baby is ready, baby will come! 


Here is a new shot of the belly, this week, week 31. 

I have been busy working on one big project for baby's room, I painted a dresser. It took me a long time, because I only worked on it on the weekends when I didn't work, but its finally done! I am pretty pleased with how it turned out, but I can't wait to get the room all together and see it all complete. And at this point that might be a little tricky because the only furniture we have is the dresser. I am having a heck of a time finding a crib! The style that I really want is expensive so I scrapped that idea and I am looking for pretty much anything at this point, trying to find a deal on craigslist. So we'll see what happens. But here is a before and after of the dresser.

I do have to paint that one little leg in the middle underneath still... kinda missed that, but there is a little sneak peek of the room! I am going with greens and grays and nature-ish themes. I am having a quilt made with various fabrics that have nature themes, leaves, animal prints and such so the room will have lots of stuff like that too. The next step is to get the room painted, I was waiting to do that until after I got this dresser done so we could move the stuff in the room into the loft to paint, so hopefully we can get going on that these upcoming weekends!

26 Weeks

I have been awful at keeping this thing up and going now that I am actually pregnant, so just as February is ending I thought I better get a post in. Everything has been going great. I am loving pregnancy, virtually no complaints, which has been nice. I figured I went through all my hell before getting pregnant so I think I deserve the smooth sailing now! I am getting a little uncomfortable at work since I have to stand all day long, but I bought a pregnancy belly support band and that is helping. But I am sure that I am going to have to find ways to try to sit a little more at work in the last tri - which is quickly approaching. It will be tricky since we do have to move around a lot at the pharmacy, but hopefully I can work something out. 

Here are a couple more belly pics to see how things have been growing....

This is from 20 weeks.

Here is 24 weeks

I have been feeling the little babe moving quite a bit lately, which is nice. It's taken a long time to feel anything from the outside because I found out that I have an anterior placenta, which makes an extra cushion in the front so its a little harder to feel, but now that I am getting bigger its finally coming through to the outside. We still have yet to catch it at the right time so Micah can feel it, I feel like there is never a specific time that the baby is particularly active. My 20 week ultrasound went well, everything looked like it was supposed to! We didn't find out what we are having, as I wanted to have a surprise! Micah is protesting by growing out his beard - because he does want to know, but I just said too bad pal, the baby is in me and I don't want to know! So now I am just hoping that he will have an interview coming up and he will have to shave. :)

I go next week for my glucose test and then I will start going to see my midwife every 2 weeks! That is crazy, I feel like the time is going so fast, which in a way is good, I want to be holding my baby right now!! But also, there is so much to do to prepare for baby that I will take all the time I can get!!

18 Weeks

I am in my 18th week! I am so thankful and I am hoping all is still going well in there! I have an appointment on Monday and I am so excited for it! I am changing clinics, I was seeing an OB that I have been seeing for awhile, but I decided that I wanted to switch to a nurse midwife, so I have my first appointment with her on Monday. I was scheduled to go in for my big ultrasound next week but now since I am switching I will have my first appointment at the new clinic on Monday and hopefully I can schedule the ultrasound for the week after or sometime soon! 

Here is a pic of the belly! This was from Christmas Eve and I was 16 weeks. 

Pregnant!

Well the title says it all. 

I have known for quite some time, but I have been neglecting my little blog here. Oops. 

So here goes, its was pretty much the best surprise ever. It was October 4th, I had been feeling like I was about to get my period for about a week. I had gone online and ordered a 20 pack of cheapie pregnancy tests and some more pre-seed for a new cycle, and was getting amped for more Dr appointments and another round of injections. My order had come on the 3rd, so the morning of the 4th, my period hadn't come yet, so I thought what the hell, and I took one of my cheapie pregnancy tests. It was positive. I stared at it in disbelief. I went and got another test, this time a step up to my dollar store test, also positive. I started breathing a little faster. I went for the big guns and got out my digital test. I saw the most beautiful word. Pregnant. HOLY CRAP! I was freaking out and so damn excited. I ran downstairs and let the dogs out and called my RE. I told them that I had been on a break cycle but just took 3 positive pregnancy tests and wondered if I could come in to get a blood test, they said for same day results I would have to get in ASAP. So I said I would be there, let the dogs in, ran up to change and left. 

I came home about 30 minutes later, and Micah was awake. He said "Where were you, you didn't have to work this morning did you?" I said "No. I went to the doctors office." Pause. "Because I took 3 positive pregnancy tests this morning" I don't exactly remember what transpired next but it was mostly excitement, and him wondering what it would come of the blood test results. I suppose it is a little weird that I didn't wake him and tell him anything before I ran off to the Doctor, but I was in such a state of shock and disbelief that I just had to get there so that I could find out the same day!

I got a call later in the afternoon, the nurse basically just started off saying so what is the deal, we need to get you in later this week and so on and so fourth, but she didn't actually come out and say it was positive. I had to stop her and ask, "So was it positive?" and she said yes, I asked what the beta level was and it was 5359. 5359!! I had never seen such a huge number, from me at least. I was ecstatic! I called Micah and told him the news. I had my first  appointment on Friday the 7th. Micah came with me and we saw the egg sac and the yolk sac. My RE said that things looked good, but basically told us that it could be good if I was 5 weeks along but if I was more like 7 weeks then it wasn't going to be a viable pregnancy. So we were very cautiously excited until our next appointment which was about 2 weeks later on October 20th. 

Since my mothers 60th birthday was October 8th we decided to go ahead and tell our parents right away I knew that a grandbaby was going to be the best present ever for my mom, so I made her a little onsie seen below and gave her a little bib. 

It seemed like forever between our first two appointments and I was so nervous that they weren't going to see anything when we went back. We got to the appointment and waited and waited. Finally a nurse came out and said that the Dr was going to be awhile and asked if I wanted to wait, or if it was ok if she did the ultrasound. I thought it was just fine if she did it, I had seen her way more times than the Dr anyways, so I was comfortable with her. She was very happy for me as I hadn't seen her since I had cycled last, and she was thrilled that it happened without meds and all that fun stuff. So we had the ultrasound and saw a baby!  It was so little but you could actually see  a head and a body this time instead of just a little sac, it was so amazing. She got the heartbeat and that was great, and Micah and I were so relieved! At the end of the appointment I was told that I had officially graduated from the RE and I could go ahead and make an appointment with my OB, so I made an appointment with the OB that I had been seeing before I started infertility treatments. Here is the view of the little one from that day. 

That appointment was November 4th. I had a full workup with the OB and then she went to listen to the heartbeat and she couldn't hear anything. She tried to hear for several minutes to no avail. I was laying on the bed freaking out. She said that she wanted to see if they could get me in to an ultrasound last minute so they could look for the heartbeat. She was able to squeeze me in but I would have to wait a bit. I still had to get lab work done though so that would fill some of the time. After my lab work we sat and waited, in agony(!) for the ultrasound. Finally we were called in. As soon as she got the ultrasound up we could see the baby and the heartbeat. I had a huge sigh of relief. They said it was not uncommon to not hear the heartbeat externally at first but I was still freaking out until I saw that little heart flutter. We got more pictures that day, and you could see so much more. There were arm and leg buds and the head and body were more shaped, not just like a little kidney bean. It was so amazing. Here is the view of the little one from the first OB appointment. 

So now here I am 16 weeks and I am feeling great. I haven't had much morning sickness or anything, and I am in the second trimester, when that usually wears off anyways. I am so thankful each and every day that I am finally pregnant. All I wanted for Christmas was a baby, so I definitely got my wish.  Sure it needs to cook for about 5 1/2 more months but it will be worth the wait! I am due June 4th!

 

Ever-presence

I recently stumbled upon a New York Times site discussing infertility, and it had several sound bites of women talking about their experiences with infertility. All the women had dealt with infertility in different ways. Two women decided in the end to be child-free, two others adopted, another did IVF, and another was going to start injections (like I have been doing) but ended up pregnant before it got to that point. It was very interesting to hear them speak. Many of the things that they spoke about really resonated with me. I have felt many times like I just don't know how to put into words what I am feeling and going through. Since no one else that is close to me in real life has gone through this hell, its hard to describe. 


Here is some of what they said that I can really connect with. 


"I think the thing that people don't understand about infertility is the ever-presence that it has. It's in your life all the time. Because you don't know, your life is kind of on permanent hold. From month to month you can't quite make a decision about are you going to take a different job are you going to move, are you going to set aside money for a vacation because everything is all about trying figure out how to decode the mystery." -Pamela Mahoney Psigdinos


Like I had mentioned before I think about it ALL THE TIME. It is always present, and I can put on a good front, but it hurts to be confronted with things that you don't know if you will ever have. 


"Complete loss of control, you don't know what your life is going to be like"  -Barbara Collura


I used to have things all mapped out. When we got married I thought, ok when we are 25 we will start trying to have a baby. Well that came and I was teaching, so I thought, well I shouldn't get pregnant my first year teaching, so I decided to wait. Then I got laid off, probably shouldn't start trying with no job. So we waited. Finally we thought things were going to be more stable. So lets try......and try.....and try.... to no avail. For a year. Ok well that is pretty normal since my cycles weren't that regular. Ok so I will start the cheap and easy fertility meds. Great! People have lots of success with them. Cycle one, so excited, nope, nothing. Cycle two. Same. Cycle three, four, five, and six. Still nothing. Ok well that was enough of that. What's next.? Seeing a specialist. Neat! Injections? IUI? Scary, but lets do this!! Cycle one......nothing. Cycle two......positive! Miscarriage. What now? Break time. 


"It's never going to be like everyone else does it" -Rebecca Flick


I can't just have sex and have a baby. That would be WAY too easy. I mean it happens, miraculously, for many people. But it honestly boggles my mind. How can it happen? How can it be so easy for some people?  How come I can't be one of those people? 


I am just hoping that this break is over soon... I am just waiting for good old AF to show and then we can move on to IUI #3. The break has been nice, but we are getting into CD 40-something, and I am ready to move on!

Life

Well again there isnt really much to update about. It's ben a pretty busy month. I erroneously thought that things might calm down since I am down to one job! But the hours I have been getting at Target are kinda odd, so I haven't been getting much accomplished at home! I also keep getting scheduled long stretches without a day off, which sucks, but I guess that is the story of my life.

Last weekend we went to a wedding for my second cousin, it was a nice wedding. However, I left the ceremony feeling like a bitter infertile. It was a catholic service, and we aren't catholic, and seven times (7!!!) the priest mentioned things about children "when you are blessed with children," "the blessing of children" "will you accept children" etc. Every time he said something it was like a little knife to my heart. I even started crying. I suppose if people saw it they thought I was just crying happiness for the wedding! But no. It was just a reminder of what was so very absent in my life. I hated that the service left me feeling crabby. But I was able to somewhat snap out of it at the reception. I got my baby fix with my youngest cousin's baby who is just over a year old and cute as can be. I was nervous the whole time that people would ask Micah and I about when we were going to have kids, but luckily no one did. I know many know that we are having troubles, but I am glad they didn't bring it up because I am sure I would have been a fountain of tears.

Another baby fix that I am getting is one day a week nannying. One of the team leads at Target approached me at the end of August asking me if I would want to watch her kids one day a week. I told her that I would love to! So every Wednesday I watch a 3 year old and a 5 month old. They have been a lot of fun. The 3 year old, Owen, is huge into reading and practicing his letters, I also get to take him to preschool every Weds morning. The baby is super mellow and is just a doll. The only thing that has been somewhat challenging is when the baby and I go out while we are waiting for Owen during preschool. I get lots of compliments about her, which is great, but I so wish I could say thank you as if she were mine. I have been trying to just keep thinking how wonderful it will be once I have a baby of my own, and I can be a proud mama!