June!

I can't believe we are halfway through 2011.... I was hoping to have a baby this year, and clearly that is not going to happen. But there is good news today, its CD 1!! I haven't been excited to get my period in a LONG time, but it is a good thing today because I get to call tomorrow to set up a baseline ultrasound to check things out before starting my new treatment plan. Hopefully I will hear good things, and we can get things rolling again! I feel like the past two months I have just been in a holding pattern so I am hoping for some good baby dust this cycle!

Along with starting as a pharmacy technician I have also started my new summer job teaching zoo camp. I have only taught two days so far, but so far its ridiculously fun! I taught preschoolers, which I was nervous about since I have never really taught that age group before but they were so stinkin' cute, and were all so excited to be there. This week I will be spending some time prepping for the class that I will teach most of the summer, which is a 1st and 2nd grade class, called ocean odyssey. I get to spend my summer teaching little kids about the ocean, pretty much amazing! Last Tuesday we had a meeting to go over general policies, etc about the summer, and we got to preview the new penguin exhibit that will open next month. It was really nice, and penguins were so cute! It is a wonderful new addition to the zoo, and I am excited that I will get to take my students there this summer!

Comments

Don't you just hate it when you sit at the wrong table? Tonight we had a training at my new job and I sat at a table with a couple other people, and before long the conversation turned to kids, and pregnancy and "are you getting the itch for a second baby yet?" and on and on. I was so uncomfortable and really wished that I would have been sitting with the interns or something because I know that isn't what they would have been talking about. So before too long, of course, they asked if I had kids, which of course I had to smile nicely and say no. But all I wanted to do was crawl under the table and hide. I understand that many people don't go through infertility, but it just sucks for those of us that do, and when we are bombarded with these situations that bring up these feelings of jealousy and sadness it just stinks! I know they would just trying to make conversation but it doesn't make it any less difficult to deal with sometimes. So I just have to put on my happy face and talk about my "fur babies" instead!

Pharmacy

I received my first (and hopefully only if I am lucky!) round of injections in the mail last week. It ended up being quite the ordeal to get them though! When I was prescribed them I was told that my insurance preferred to use a mail order pharmacy. So I called the insurance to see if that meant that I could only get them from there or if I could get them anywhere. I found out that I could order them anywhere. So I took my prescription into Target to see if they could get everything there. They said they could, but they would have to special order two of the things, which would be fine. So I told them to go ahead and order them. Well I get a call a couple days later from a tech there saying that they can't order all the things that I needed, the one they couldn't was the most expensive thing. So I called the mail order pharmacy and went ahead and had them fill my order. Then the next day Target tells me, that they can order that med for me. But it was too late, I had already had the other pharmacy sending it. So I was upset, but oh well what can you do. I ordered the prescriptions from the mail order on Tuesday, and they were to be overnighted to arrive Wednesday. The tech wanted to make sure that someone would be there to sign for them, and I told him that I would be home all day. Well Wednesday noon-ish when Micah left for work, he saw a note on the back door - it was from the FedEx guy telling us that we missed him. And we had been home all morning, so apparently he hadn't rung the doorbell or something. Thursday, same thing we got a note that said that we had missed our delivery. So finally Friday, I got up early to be downstairs to make sure that I didn't somehow miss him - this time he came to the front door, and for sure rang the door bell, so I finally had all my stuff! I was worried however, because two of the prescriptions  needed to be refrigerated. They were packed cold, but by Friday of course they weren't cold. So I had to call the pharmacy, I was going to be pissed if they weren't good anymore! Luckily they both are stable at room temp so no worries, they were still fine. I am waiting for cycle day 1 (CD1) before anything actually starts happening but hopefully that is any day now! Its weird that I am actually looking forward to it for once in this process!

In other pharmacy news, I just started working as a pharmacy tech. There is a LOT of training but so far its going well. Its nice to be learning something new. I had a little bit of cross training in the fall, some stuff is a little bit of a refresher, but with lots more added. The biggest thing to get used to over there is the computer system to place orders. The system has lots of shortcuts, and weird keys that are taking time to get used to, but I know that it will come with practice. I have one more full week of official training, and then its go time! I still have to get through a massive text book, that I have to read cover to cover. But I have some time to get through that, and then once I finish I can take a test to be a certified Rx tech. I haven't looked into that much yet, as to what its like and whatnot but I figure I will get through the book first and then decide if I want to get officially certified. 

Injections

Yesterday I went to the clinic to take a class about injections. I was nervous going in, not knowing what to expect. But was put at ease pretty quickly. There was another woman in the class with me, and we started talking in the waiting room. Sharing our stories that have gotten us to the specialist in the first place. The other woman was 34 and she had PCOS she has just started going to Dr. Malo as well. It was nice to get to talk to someone else about what its been like going through all this stuff. We swapped stories of the heartbreak thus far, as well as the excitement we felt when we first had positive ovulation tests! It was nice to talk with her.

The class itself was pretty short and sweet. The nurse showed us first the ovidrel injection. It's a pre-filled syringe that you just have to uncap and make sure that there isn't any air bubbles, then you inject right into your belly. That injection will just be done once a month when your doctor says you've got some mature follicles. Then she showed us the other injection which will be a daily injection. It's called follistim - its in a pen that you insert the vial of medication and just dial in to the does prescribed, and inject into your belly. Neither seems like they will be too difficult. I am sure that I will get all weirded out before I do the first shot, but we will cross that bridge when we get to it.

Support

As things have been moving along I have found that I need more support, and I need to know that other people have been where I am, and I need to know that it is ok, and I will get through it. So I have found myself back on the website The Bump - and on the community boards there, and scouring the internet for infertility blogs, and even videos on YouTube. I recently stumbled upon this video, which I think is very well done.

The one thing that is slightly annoying is that I don't feel that I can talk to many people in my everyday life about it. Which would be nice sometimes. There are a couple people at my job that I have told, and a couple friends. But it's not like I want the whole world knowing my business, but at the same time you do what to know who else might have gone through similar stuff, and might be able give you advice, or lend you an ear without making dumb comments. There is a National Infertility Association called Resolve, that has a great website, and they have a page about fertility etiquette and I wish everyone would know these things! Here is a bit about what they about fertility etiquette...

1. Don't tell them to relax - I don't know how many people have told me this, its far too many. And every time someone says it to me I just want to shake them! First of all, no I am way past the point of "just relaxing" and secondly, how can I relax when I am consumed with this need to be a mother, and nothing seems to be working right? The website states "Couples who are able to conceive after a few months of "relaxing" are not infertile. By definition, a couple is not diagnosed as "infertile" until they have tried unsuccessfully to become pregnant for a full year." "Comments such as "just relax" or "try going on a cruise" create even more stress for the infertile couple, particularly the woman. The woman feels like she is doing something wrong when, in fact, there is a good chance that there is a physical problem preventing her from becoming pregnant."
2. Don't minimize the problem - This journey to have a baby has been filled with a rollercoaster of emotions and LOTS of crying. I am surrounded by people with kids and seen many come into this world all while I still try without luck. The website offers this little nugget "Comments like, "Just enjoy being able to sleep late . . . .travel . . etc.," do not offer comfort. Instead, these comments make infertile people feel like you are minimizing their pain"
3. Don't say there are worse things that could happen - I realize that you think this isn't the end of the world. But again, I have a goal in life to be a mom, and this, to me, right now, is the worst thing that could happen. 
4. Don't complain about your pregnancy - This one is a tough one, I have known LOTS of people that have been/ are pregnant right now. And while I do want to know how things are going for them and want to be supportive. Its super difficult to hear them talk about pregnancy and complain about it. Just being around pregnant people is difficult, and upon hearing complaints I just want to be sick. I would give anything at this point to be puking every day with morning sickness, gaining weight, getting stretchmarks, and waddling around everywhere - because those things would be stemming from the child growing inside of me! 

Anxious

I am so happy that things are moving along again, and the next step is to take a class about shots! On Monday I will be going in to learn how to administer my daily injections. I will be on shots to help egg follicles to develop, and then get another injection to actually stimulate ovulation. I was told when I was at my appointment last week that my insurance prefers a mail order pharmacy so I called to get a quote on my medications, they aren't cheap. So I was checking around today to see if I could just get them at Target, because then I could get a discount, and if the prices are close to what the mail order pharmacy was, I could save about $50 getting them at Target, which would be great! Especially if I have to get them for more than one cycle. 

So I am anxious about giving myself shots, and getting new meds, and seeing how I will react to them and all that jazz. I haven't really had any issues with the meds I have been on thus far, there were a few notable mood swings while on clomid (sorry babe!), and I did have some hot flashes as well as acne (ewww). But all of those things were temporary. Here's hoping I don't have to be on them for long!

Progress

There has finally been some progress! A week before last I was finally able to secure my referral to a specialist. I was given two choices, a place in Woodbury, or St.Paul. My first thought was the place in Woodbury, so I called there and left a message about my referral and wanting to come in. Then later that day I was looking up both places, and the place in St.Paul sounded better. The doctor there, Dr.John Malo - had many glowing reviews and has been noted as a top fertility specialist/ doc in the Twin Cities by Minnesota Monthly, and Minneapolis/St.Paul Magazine. So I decided that I would want to call them as well. I left a message with their new patient coordinator, and we ended up playing phone tag for several days, until finally we were able to connect via e-mail. After reading more about the clinic that he is at, The Center for Reproductive Medicine, I decided that I really wanted to go there. A lot of the options that they had there, seemed to be what I would be interested in, so I was happy with my choice. I got my initial consul set up, and to my surprise it was going to be in a little over a week, not the 2 months that my original Drs office said it might be. Another reason that I was happy with my choice was that I never did hear back from the office in Woodbury until a day or two before my appointment with Dr. Malo.

I just had my first appointment yesterday. I was really nervous, not only because I didn't know what to expect, but I was nervous that my charts and information of everything that I have been through before coming there wasn't going to get sent over in time. I had called my Drs office to see about getting everything over, and had one hell of a time dealing with the lady that takes care of it all. Not only because I was trying to figure out  if my information was getting there, but I also wanted to make sure that the results from the only test that Micah had to do, a semen analysis (SA), also got sent over. So I had faxed over the release forms, and I called the lady to see if I had sent the forms to the right place for Micah. I wanted to know if my OB had the results or if I needed to send the info to someone at United Hospital because that was where the test was performed. Well the lady kept saying "I don't know." Which made me all pissed, how could you not know, can you check? Well come to find out after arguing and getting all mad, that because of HIPAA she COULDN'T tell me. Well WTF why couldn't you have told me that from the start, that you couldn't tell me?? It would have saved me a huge work-up that ended up with me crying. Stupid jerk. 

Anyways, back to the appointment. They had sent me a bunch of paperwork before hand which I had filled out to give the Dr a little bit of a background, and there was a bit more to fill out when we got there. We first met with a nurse and we just went over my history and she wanted to know kind of the timeline thus far as far as when I started trying to conceive and when I first went on the medications that I have tried thus far. Which were provera - to give me a regular period, clomid - to stimulate ovulation, estrogen - which helps the uterine lining prepare for fertilization, and progesterone - which helps support early pregnancy, and I think helps with the luteal phase of a cycle. After that she asked about what tests I had performed and when. As well as any other things that would be helpful for the Dr. Then we waited in the waiting room until he was done with another couple. We got called, and the Dr wanted to do an ultrasound to start, to get a look at what was going on and check out my ovaries and such. So we went into the ultrasound room and the Dr came in and introduced himself and then did a vaginal ultrasound. He took several pictures and looked at both ovaries, the right one had one very good looking follicle and a few smaller. The left one had nothing. He had me get dressed and then we went to his office. He said that from what he saw of my charts I had been getting good care, and the Dr I had been seeing had been doing all the right tests and procedures so far. All my tests had come back fine, which was good. And Micah's SA had come back with good results as well. He talked about the meds that I had been on and said that its good what they had prescribed to me, and called them 'the  cheap and easy' drugs they are always the first tried because they are just that, cheap and easy to take. He went on to talk about my options now, the next step is to take inject-ables. Which are shots that are given at certain times in your cycle to trigger ovulation. Then after ovulation you go in and get intrauterine insemination or IUI. You go in a specific time after a trigger shot, and then they take all the good swimmers and concentrate them and insert them up into the site of fertilization, increasing the chances that the sperm and egg will mix well. They generally try the shot triggers and IUI about 3-4 times or cycles, and then its time to look at other options such as moving into IVF. So needless to say I really, really, really hope it works and we don't have to think about IVF. I don't know that I want to go there. So here's hoping!!!