All along this journey I have made little goals that I hoped to achieve.
When we first got married I thought maybe we would start trying when we were 25. Well that came and went without much thought about it.
Then it was we will wait until I have a job. So I got my teaching job, and then we thought that it might not be smart to try during my first year teaching. So that came and went, then I got laid off, so again, maybe not a good time. But it was that summer after I got laid off that I did go off the pill.
So my first goal was to be pregnant by the time my younger brother graduated from high school - that was June 2010. Clearly no dice.
Summer 2010 we found out Micah's sister, Alyssa, was pregnant with her 4th baby. I was thrilled for her, but then I was even more bummed that I still wasn't pregnant. Over the course of the time that I have been trying it has seemed that everyone I know has gotten pregnant. While I was so happy for these people, it hurt so much inside that I wasn't one of them.
So then my goal became to be pregnant before Alyssa had her baby. I thought about how great it would be if they were close in age. Well little miss Olivia Grace was born in February.
Then I had a goal to have a baby this year....but as March comes to a close I don't think that is going to happen.
So I don't know that goals were a good idea, because so far none of them have worked out. Somehow they do help me think of a positive reason that it hasn't happened yet, but I might be done with goal making.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Frustrated
So, this may not be the best way to start a blog, but it's where I am at right now, and I just need to get this stuff off my chest.
Micah and I have been trying to conceive for just over a year and a half now. It's been an interesting ride.
The decision to start on this journey started with me going off the pill. That happened at the end of July 2009. It was exciting knowing that we were on our way, the following month I had a pretty normal cycle, but then after that is when things starting to go wrong. After that cycle I went 6 months without getting a cycle. Let's be honest it was kind of nice for a while, not having to deal with that. But after about 3 months it was starting to get annoying because nothing was happening. When I asked my OB/GYN about it, I was told that it was likely just taking my body a long time to adjust to life without regulated hormones in the pills. So she told me to wait for a cycle and then we would go from there. Finally in January 2010 I had a cycle, then I got prescribed a pill that would induce a cycle if another one didn't happen after 40 days. So I started doing that every month, because I would not get my cycle on my own. After 5 months inducing cycles but nothing else happening I made the decision to go on Clomid. If you don't know anything about fertility issues, this is generally the first step in trying to make things happen. I was very exciting about the prospect of Clomid because I had heard many good stories about peoples good luck while on it. So I started that in August 2010. The first month was great, I took my clomid, diligently watched my charts for signs of ovulation and got to work. Then there was the first, of many, two-week-waits. Where everyday I would think about how wonderful it would be if there was a little bundle of cells starting to develop inside. Well the time came and the test was negative. Bummer. Tried a couple days later and still negative. Got to day 40 of my cycle and took the meds to start a new cycle.
The second and third month of Clomid, I again had high hopes, but again no positive pregnancy test. The fourth month I finally got my cycle on my own, which I was sad to see, but it was also good that my body seemed to have finally figured itself out. Around this same time we started doing some more testing to see what might be the issue. The first test was a semen analysis, which required Micah to collect a sample in a cup, and then we had to rush it to the hospital labs to be analyzed. Results came back from that and everything was normal and ok. So then started the tests on my end. The first this I had done at the end of September was an HSG test. HSG stands for hysterosalpingogram, It is an x-ray done of inside of the uterus and fallopian tubes. The Dr injects a dye into you tubes and then looks at it to see if there are any blockages in the fallopian tubes. It was pretty uncomfortable but they give you some meds for pain, and it didn't last very long. Results from that came back and everything looked great, uterus looked fine, and there were no blockages in my tubes.
October came and I was feeling super positive about things, I have been charting temps and they had been staying elevated for longer that they ever had, and I was having some symptoms that were similar to early pregnancy symptoms, so I was convinced I would get a positive. But alas, no. And then a new cycle started. In December when I went into the Dr I was put on some new pills along with the Clomid. My doctor now wanted me to take Clomid, then Estrogen and then Progesterone. So I did that for the next 3 cycles, and still no luck.
So here it is now March 2011, and still no baby bump. Every month is such a roller coaster. The beginning of a cycle I have to be so consistent with taking my meds, then testing for ovulation, then comes the fun part of attempting to make the baby, then the wait to test, and then the test. And every month I get a high when I see that I have ovulated, and then a total low, and almost crushing feeling to see that yet again I am still not pregnant.
I never, ever, imagined it would be this hard.
Micah and I have been trying to conceive for just over a year and a half now. It's been an interesting ride.
The decision to start on this journey started with me going off the pill. That happened at the end of July 2009. It was exciting knowing that we were on our way, the following month I had a pretty normal cycle, but then after that is when things starting to go wrong. After that cycle I went 6 months without getting a cycle. Let's be honest it was kind of nice for a while, not having to deal with that. But after about 3 months it was starting to get annoying because nothing was happening. When I asked my OB/GYN about it, I was told that it was likely just taking my body a long time to adjust to life without regulated hormones in the pills. So she told me to wait for a cycle and then we would go from there. Finally in January 2010 I had a cycle, then I got prescribed a pill that would induce a cycle if another one didn't happen after 40 days. So I started doing that every month, because I would not get my cycle on my own. After 5 months inducing cycles but nothing else happening I made the decision to go on Clomid. If you don't know anything about fertility issues, this is generally the first step in trying to make things happen. I was very exciting about the prospect of Clomid because I had heard many good stories about peoples good luck while on it. So I started that in August 2010. The first month was great, I took my clomid, diligently watched my charts for signs of ovulation and got to work. Then there was the first, of many, two-week-waits. Where everyday I would think about how wonderful it would be if there was a little bundle of cells starting to develop inside. Well the time came and the test was negative. Bummer. Tried a couple days later and still negative. Got to day 40 of my cycle and took the meds to start a new cycle.
The second and third month of Clomid, I again had high hopes, but again no positive pregnancy test. The fourth month I finally got my cycle on my own, which I was sad to see, but it was also good that my body seemed to have finally figured itself out. Around this same time we started doing some more testing to see what might be the issue. The first test was a semen analysis, which required Micah to collect a sample in a cup, and then we had to rush it to the hospital labs to be analyzed. Results came back from that and everything was normal and ok. So then started the tests on my end. The first this I had done at the end of September was an HSG test. HSG stands for hysterosalpingogram, It is an x-ray done of inside of the uterus and fallopian tubes. The Dr injects a dye into you tubes and then looks at it to see if there are any blockages in the fallopian tubes. It was pretty uncomfortable but they give you some meds for pain, and it didn't last very long. Results from that came back and everything looked great, uterus looked fine, and there were no blockages in my tubes.
October came and I was feeling super positive about things, I have been charting temps and they had been staying elevated for longer that they ever had, and I was having some symptoms that were similar to early pregnancy symptoms, so I was convinced I would get a positive. But alas, no. And then a new cycle started. In December when I went into the Dr I was put on some new pills along with the Clomid. My doctor now wanted me to take Clomid, then Estrogen and then Progesterone. So I did that for the next 3 cycles, and still no luck.
So here it is now March 2011, and still no baby bump. Every month is such a roller coaster. The beginning of a cycle I have to be so consistent with taking my meds, then testing for ovulation, then comes the fun part of attempting to make the baby, then the wait to test, and then the test. And every month I get a high when I see that I have ovulated, and then a total low, and almost crushing feeling to see that yet again I am still not pregnant.
I never, ever, imagined it would be this hard.
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